Chile From Within


Posted in Santiago, Viva Chile by tomasdinges on May 18, 2007

It was a prohibited lunch. I had just changed my last US$105 for CLP$55,000, had no job nor income and was pathetic as I walked in to my most comforting spot in Santiago, Navetierra. Beans, rice, lentils or spaghetti should have been on my menu, and it should have happened at home.

Paulina was elusive to me, and probably the most elegant and beautiful waitress of them all, and she was attending multiple clients in the cramped space. The man paying his bill had holes in his red sweater similar to mine. She was sad, or maybe this is just how she looks when she works. But I think she was sad the last time I saw her, when I tried to serve her a drink at a party, for a change. I wanted to be happy with her.

It had been two years, one attempt to go out with her, multiple stupid, stuttering exchanges and countless lunches of me ruminating on her specific beauty, expressive eyes, deep black hair, toned arms, shapely back and soft, ingratiating voice. When she smiled it seemed genuine. I knew that she was an actress that had minor parts on a television mini-series, didn’t read a lot of newspapers, had a boyfriend and was from Valdivia. Now I am leaving.

We would be together at a party, which I imagine in my mind, and she would receive my drink and include me in her conversation. I would stand beside her, brushing her naked, warm arm with mine, and she would smile broadly at me, and we would be mutually surprised at our unspoken happiness. I would continue to stand tall and proud close next to her, charming, and she would continue to be shining, brilliant and the object of my desire.

One Response

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  1. Ani said, on June 6, 2007 at 12:35 pm

    There is something very poignant and melancholic in this journal entry. The overwhelming bittersweet note brings the reader to an empathic state. Indeed a very relateable topic for most people. Everyone has at least once in their life wished their “secret” crush would eventually reciprocate them in the near future. Meanwhile the self-inflicted pain lingers on inside slowly eating away happiness; self-doubts ushers in low self-esteem, anxiety, and acting against your own better judgement like spending your last 100 US on a “almuerzo” you could not afford. Despite all the possible setbacks one’s mood can be drastically altered fom feeling hopelessly abandoned to an euphoric bliss when our “beloved” gives us a glimpse of recognition in a form of a genuine smile, an affectionate conversation or simply a flirty brisk wink. “Unrequited Love” can be triggered when our eyes simply see a person who fits our archetype, the physical embodiment of our ideal mate. In your case, an exotic mestiza with a lean and statuesque build, sharp indigenous features, dark eyes, long straight raven tresses and a deliciously sweet canela coloured skin tone. In our admiration sometimes we short change ourselves by being so enthralled by the other person’s physical perfection we fail to see and ignore the hints of “NO”. The suttle mentioning of a significant other, being vague about making plans, acting ambiguous around you or maybe not being an intellectual equal. The botton line is an unreciprocated crush can be a big blow to one’s self-esteem. So do yourself a favor and do not prolong the inevitable.

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